The NFL Draft, in Six Words or Less

1.1 St. Louis: Sam Bradford, quarterback, Oklahoma

Can't go wrong with a quarterback.

1.2 Detroit: Ndamukong Suh, defensive tackle, Nebraska

Granite block cornerstone of defense.

1.3 Tampa Bay: Gerald McCoy, defensive tackle, Oklahoma

Too easy: Next Sapp.

1.4 Washington: Trent Williams, offensive tackle, Oklahoma

Potential over safe pick. Course parred.

1.5 Kansas City: Eric Berry, safety, Tennessee

Too bad. Chiefs can't pick defense.

1.6 Seattle: Russell Okung, offensive tackle, Oklahoma State

Blind side protected, whoever it is.

1.7 Cleveland: Joe Haden, cornerback, Florida

Thousand-mile journey starts with step.
1.8 Oakland: Rolando McClain, inside linebacker, Alabama

Great pick. Raiders still blew it.

1.9 Buffalo: C.J. Spiller, running back, Clemson

Marshawn gone. Spiller a thriller.

1.10 Jacksonville: Tyson Alualu, defensive tackle, California

Who the hell is Tyson Alualu?

1.11 San Francisco: Anthony Davis, offensive tackle, Rutgers

Cornerstone number-one from Jersey quarry.

1.12 San Diego: Ryan Matthews, running back, Fresno State

Tomlinson's replacement. Got linebacker in trade.

1.13 Philadelphia: Brandon Graham, defensive end, Michigan

LaMarr Woodley's twin, another Pennsylvania team.

1.14 Seattle: Earl Thomas, safety, Texas

Will play centerfield like Franklin Gutierrez.

1.15 New York Giants: Jason Pierre-Paul, defensive end, South Florida

Boom/bust in defensive lineman's paradise.

1.16 Tennessee: Derrick Morgan, defensive end, Georgia Tech

Freak, Junior.

1.17 San Francisco: Mike Iupati, offensive guard, Idaho

Cornerstone number two rock-hard Samoan.

1.18 Pittsburgh: Maurkice Pouncey, center, Florida

Steelers go line. Stunning (sarcasm).

1.19 Atlanta: Sean Weatherspoon, linebacker, Missouri

Don't call him "Witherspoon".

1.20 Houston: Kareem Jackson, cornerback, Alabama

Could actually send Houston to playoffs.

1.21 Cincinnati: Jermaine Gresham, tight end, Oklahoma

From no weapons to one.

1.22 Denver: Demaryius Thomas, wide receiver, Georgia Tech

Lose receiver problems, gain receiver talent.

1.23 Green Bay: Brian Bulaga, offensive tackle, Iowa

Yet another farm-boy Iowan tackle.

1.24 Dallas: Dez Bryant, wide receiver, Oklahoma State

Second Roy Williams to be replaced.

1.25 Denver: Tim Tebow, athlete, Florida

Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

1.26 Arizona: Dan Williams, defensive tackle, Tennessee

Big weakness filled by big player.

1.27 New England: Devin McCourty, cornerback, Rutgers

New Yorker stolen under Jets' nose.

1.28 Miami: Jared Odrick, defensive tackle, Penn State

Parcells kind-of pick.

1.29 New York Jets: Kyle Wilson, cornerback, Boise State

First team to start four cornerbacks?

1.30 Detroit: Jahvid Best, running back, California

Takes hits, but not well.

1.31 Indianapolis: Jerry Hughes, defensive end/linebacker, Texas Christian

Freeney and Mathis cloned themselves.

1.32 New Orleans: Patrick Robinson, cornerback, Florida State

Won Super Bowl thanks to secondary.